JULY 2026

Leo (7/23-8/22)

You’re overdue for a dramatic reinvention. Nothing major… maybe just a new walk,
a new laugh, or picking a sparkling water brand and proselytizing it like they
pay your rent. 

Virgo (8/23-9/22)

You’re getting weirdly competitive about something nobody else realizes is a competition. Getting into Chess? Checkmate. Grilling burgers? One flip wonder. Parallel parking? Godspeed, you little freak.

Libra (9/23-10/22)

You’ll soon become briefly obsessed with aesthetics in a way that starts charming and ends with you reorganizing your kitchen around a personality you don’t actually have. 

Scorpio (10/23-11/21)

You know that look you’ve been giving people lately? Tone it down. Sheesh.  

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21)

This month, your optimism has consequences. You’ll say “what could go wrong?” moments before reeeeeally finding out.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19)

You’re craving a little chaos, which for you could mean buying meat without checking if it’s on sale… or maybe hitting that stranger’s joint at the bus stop. Advice not available.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18)

It’s time to renegotiate your relationship with Letterboxd. You’re becoming impossible to recommend movies to because every suggestion somehow becomes a philosophical debate. Just watch the thing or don’t. You’re not fucking Ebert.

Pisces (2/19-3/20)

You’ve been accidentally lying to yourself in tiny ways; “I’ll do it tomorrow.” “I’m over it.” “I like camping.” Simply fascinating.

Aries (3/21-4/19)

You’re attracting attention everywhere you go this month. Unfortunately, most of it is from people who want something from you. Can you take our picture? Can you watch my drink? Do you have a couple of bucks? The silver lining to having this vibe is you can fart in just about any room.

Taurus (4/20-5/20)

You’re about to spend a silly amount of money trying to improve your comfort this month, only to end up exactly where you started: horizontal.

Gemini (5/21-6/20)

Remember Brat summer? What was up with that?