JUNE 2026

Cancer (6/21-7/22)

You might say you’re “just resting,” but emotionally you’re actually buffering. Let it load.  

Leo (7/23-8/22)

You’re not trying to be the center of attention this month… but unfortunately, you arrived as the center of attention (again). Avoid sunglasses indoors. It’s not incognito, it's just you trying to be the center of attention again. Stop it. 

Virgo (8/23-9/22)

Go outside. Be unformatted. Don’t ruin your summer again by planning everything out (but you'll need to put together a 12 point outline on how to achieve this).

Libra (9/23-10/22)

If you haven’t already, you should consider a terrarium, or maybe an ant farm. This is all at once a fun enriching hobby, and a great way to unpack this God complex you’ve been contending with. 

Scorpio (10/23-11/21)

You’ve got heatwave energy lately. This may conjure up that Rob Thomas/Carlos Santana music video (which was so hot), but what we mean is you’re so draining that you’re causing power outages throughout the city. Ice cream sales are up though.  

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21)

Don’t be afraid to stop and smell the roses this summer. Your florist will hate you by July, but you’ll have copped so many good sniffs it won’t matter to you.

Capricorn (12/22-1/19)

This is the year you try a slip-n-slide. Remember: It’s one of the few things in life that are more fun when enjoyed without an erection.

Aquarius (1/20-2/18)

You’ve somehow convinced yourself every minor inconvenience is actually a “sign from the universe.” It’s not. It’s just traffic. And your phone is just bad now.

Pisces (2/19-3/20)

You say you’ll get around to it - but that’s clearly not an effective strategy. You need to make the time to sit down and finally watch the Malcolm in the Middle reboot. You deserve it. The cast deserves it.

Aries (3/21-4/19)

You’re going to fall in love this summer. Whether that’s with a person, or a new fabric softener? Only time will tell.

Taurus (4/20-5/20)

You know what you haven’t had in a while? Applebees! Go ahead, baby, treat yourself. There’s nothing that hits quite like a solid, guaranteed 5/10 experience.